I just want to write down whatever is going through my head so pardon this post.
I read a blog of my friend (Joana) where she has listed down topics that she's been thinking of. The list was a looong one (but it had coherence) and somehow, I was able to relate. She said that she doesn't seem to wrap her head around the idea of sorting the important and the little matters. Well, I think, at that point when she wrote that. The classification should not be an issue, sometimes, writing is the only way to release some of the frustrations/anger/stress that these thoughts bring us.
Warning: Next lines might be totally incoherent.
What's on my head? Project. Client. Meetings.Stephanie. Feeling stupid. Feeling worthless and unproductive. Copycats. Broken hearts. Jerks.Subliminal messages. Song. Puro Laro. Independent candidates. Gordon. Elections. I miss home. I really miss my family. Chocolate cakes and coffee with my food buddies. I need a breather. This is too much. Global warming. Wearing a blazer for a meeting on a hot summer day. Bullsh*ts. Life. Dried lips. Wanting to smoke again. That poor fish I just devoured this lunch. Sorry. Ecosystem. That's the way things are. Predator-prey relationships. Biology class. 2nd year high school. That unforgettable Biology teacher. Memories. Good.Bad. Memories that hurt. Memories that I wish to forget. I love/hate this. Line for this week. Deep breaths. Tabs. Waiting for an email. Feeling like a lost soul in this stationary place. I want to scream. I want to let this out. I shout inside my head. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I miss my mom. I need a hug. Home is 339.4 kilometers away. Texting with my mom. I miss her. I really do. Work. I must get back to work,but I can't. I'm not in the mood. I want to curse. I want to swear on the top of my lungs. HR passes by near my table. Deep breaths. A sigh. I hear a snap, a snap I hate. I f*cking hate. Deep breaths. I should end this. Should I end this?STOP.
I'll be channeling my inner 'Charlie' (Perks of being a Wallflower). I'll try to write to his 'Friend' who listens and understands and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though he/she could have.
I am writing to tell you how my day went today. I just don't know how to share this with other people. I think it's much easier this way. I get to express what I feel without thinking too much of gestures, facial expression and I can avoid eye contact. ( I don't know, I just feel uncomfortable looking people in the eye while I disclose my innermost feelings) I'm not the mysterious type of person, I just prefer writing.
Okay, so here's the thing, most of my friends from work are leaving. Some will work in other companies, and some will just go on their way with their reasons. It makes me really sad knowing that our days together are numbered but I know I can't do anything about it.I could only accept the fact that they're leaving and I could only hope that things were different---that they didn't have to go. I can't tell them how I really feel because I know it will ruin things. Like tonight, I was chilling with two of my friends at our chill spot in the office after work while listening to our favorite band. I told them while one of our most loved song was playing that it was probably the song that brought us all together---the song that started our crazy friendship. We were singing our hearts out, and for a few silent seconds I realized that I will truly miss them I've realized that the sad part is really near. I don't really like goodbyes. I'm bad at goodbyes. While I was sitting there, I wanted to tell them that I will really miss them. I wanted to tell them that for the past few months we've known each other, they sort of become like family and knowing that they're leaving makes me feel that I'm losing the family I've cherished for those few months. I wanted to tell them all of these but I'm afraid that my tears will win over me so I held back. I couldn't even look them in the eye as we sat there silently. I just felt that when they catch a glimpse of my eyes, I'll breakdown right there. Yes, I was afraid my eyes would betray and destroy the facade I've carefully built.
I'm sad that they are leaving but at the same time I'm happy that they are slowly making their dreams come true.So I'm sad and happy at the same time, I don't know if that makes sense but that's how I really feel right now. All I can do now is take a deep breath, and savor the few weeks remaining that I'll be with their company. I guess I should stop writing now, I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry because I don't want them to remember me with tears, I want them to remember me with a smile on my face---a smile that somehow they are responsible for.
P.S: I even made a playlist for them. I hope you can listen to it here.
This is just about nonsensical stuff that I need to blog about. I am under extreme fantod lately, I just need to let this out through this pointless rants.
Okay, here I go... So picture this, a man and a woman, both are my co-workers. Do the math, then I'll tell you that having relationship in the office and being in a 'fight' doesn't really add up well. Why am I writing about it? Well, they happened to be my friends here in the office, so I became the unwilling mediator...they both confided to me. The next thing I knew, I was setting the atmosphere for them to talk about their misunderstanding. Maybe I was at fault, maybe I should have not let myself be dragged into their mess. After all, it's their relationship. Ugh, I just wanted them to be okay so we could all go back to our busy lives.
One of my favorite local bands is Up Dharma Down, they've been making good music for 10 years now. I just want to share their music as my way to give honor to their work.Click hereto listen the playlist for their latest album CAPACITIES for you to discover, you may search the lyrics here UPDHARMADOWN .